R.Riesafitri

Kemanggisan, 13  Desember 2014

Dear Ratih Sahabatku,

Malam ini, berkutatku pada sejumlah diktat tebal nan memusingkan kepala.  Sepanjangan ku meringis.  Betapa tidak.  Materi ini materi baru, terasa awam bagiku.  Ditambah keharusan untuk segera ku pahami dan ku kuasai.

Iya, SEGERA.  Senin menjelang, pertanda dua ujian kan menghadang, dari materi yang bertolak belakang.  Menagih bukti, seberapa mampu aku dalam merapal rumus-rumus dan menuangkannya dalam bentuk esay.

Arrghh, kesal sekali rasa di hati.  Betapa tidak.  Malam-malam di hari Sabtu, dengan setia ku raba tiap ejaan kata yang terjalin secara berantai ini, berharap ada sedikit yang sudi tuk singgah di ingatanku yang tak seberapa ini.

Dear Ratih sahabatku,

Tahukah kamu, bukan perkara mudah untuk bisa menjaga level konsentrasiku pada bahan ajar yang luas terbentang dihadapku ini.  Ditambah lagi, betapa inginku untuk tidak berada disini.  Melainkan ada disana, di kotamu, menemani kegembiraanmu dalam membuka lembaran baru dalam kisah hidupmu.

Telah pula ku berikan janji untuk hadir di moment super spesialmu ini.  Sebuah janji yang sayangnya tak mampu untuk ku tepati.  Huhh, dan aku masih mengaku sebagai sahabatmu?  Ah, tak mengapalah.

Dear Ratih sahabatku,

Terlepas dari alpanya hadirku, ingin ku ucap selamat untukmu.  Selamat atas keberanianmu.  Selamat atas langkahmu.  Selamat atas keputusanmu.  Selamat atas niatmu.  Selamat atas takdirmu.  Selamat atas cintamu.  Selamat atas jodohmu.

Tetaplah menjadi R. Riesafitri, gadis cantik dengan kepribadian yang menarik.  Bahkan, jika kau berkenan, sempurnakanlah pribadimu, dengan kehadiran imammu di hidupmu.

Setiakan jiwa dan ragamu padanya.  Tujukan hatimu hanya untuknya.  Berikan rasa cintamu hanya padanya.

Dear Ratih sahabatku,

Sungguh ingin ku terbang dan tiba disana, hadir di tengah lautan cinta dan kasih.  Namun, apa lacur, tak mampu ku bertolak menuju kotamu.  Disini ku masih mematung memandang alunan kata yang tak berkesudahan dalam diktat ini.  Bukan karena inginku, tapi semata karena harusku.

Salam sayang,

NL

Berbincang dengan Bintang

Hei kamu, iya kamu, yang ada disitu.  Udah, jangan toleh kemana-mana, aku sedang berbicara padamu.

Iya kamu, bukan yang ada di samping kanan kiri atau belakangmu.

Sudah lama ya, tak jumpa denganmu.  Mungkin hampir 3 bulan telah berlalu sejak ku lihat kamu berkemul dalam kantung tidurmu.  Berperang melawan rasa dingin yang pastinya merasuk hingga nadi.  Kala itu sambil lalu, ku intip kamu dari celah atap rumbia. 

Baduy Dalam bukan?  Desa Cibeo?  Ah iya, benar.  Tapi ketika itu kamu sombong sekali. Jangankan menyapaku, melirik padaku pun tidak.  Padahal kamu punya kesempatan yang luas sekali untuk memandangku.  Kegelapan nan pekat yang ketika itu menyelimutimu, adalah sahabat baikku.  Agar kamu bisa sekedar menatapku tanpa perlu bersusah payah memicingkan mata.

Apa? Kala itu kamu lelah?  Tak ku pungkiri sih.  Meskipun kamu tak melihatku, tahukah kamu bahwa setiap jejakmu selama seperempat hari dalam mendaki dan menuruni bukit itu, selalu berada dalam pengawasanku. Meski tanpa sang pekat malam yang dapat membuatmu melihatku.  Oleh karenanya, ku maklumi ketika ragamu yang tak terbiasa mendaki, jatuh dalam lelah.  Membuatmu lebih memilih lelap dibanding berbincang denganku.

Syukurlah kali ini kamu sadar akan keberadaanku.  Dan seperti kali yang lalu, ku utus sahabatku, sang pekat malam tuk mengiring pergerakanmu, hingga nanti kamu tiba di tempat tujuanmu.  Agar dapat ku naungi setiap langkahmu di pulau yang tentu asing bagimu ini.

Oh ya, apa pasal sehingga kamu bisa menjejakkan kaki di bumi WITA ini?  Dan dalam balutan kain katun pula.  Hei, apa itu dibalik tanganmu? Tas kerja? Ada banyak sekali kertas berhias huruf-huruf nan rapat. Sangat tidak dirimu, yang biasa berbalut kaos dan jeans, serta sendal gunung yang terlalu besar layaknya rakit di tapak kakimu.

Eh, apa katamu?  Hoo, aku mengerti.  Tugas negara rupanya.  Meskipun aku tak tahu itu apa.  Dapat ku endus rasa bangga yang membuncah di dadamu.

Selamat yaa.  Aku bangga padamu, di usia yang cukup belia dalam perjalanan karirmu yang baru ini, bumi Sulawesi pun sudah dapat kamu pijak. Bersinarlah, layaknya kami sang bintang.  Karena sungguh, kami percaya pada kemampuanmu.  

Olah kemampuanmu yang tak seberapa itu, agar sekelilingmu percaya pada kerja kerasmu, tak hanya sekedar omong kosongmu.  Perlambang tandukmu, yang bernaung di bawah rasi-ku.

Hihihi, matamu sudah sedemikian sayu.  Wajar saja, pukul 23 telah bersiap menanti kehadiranmu.  Begitupun kota tujuanmu, sudah mengintip di depan sana.

Baiklah, kita berpisah lagi untuk sementara.  Ku tunggu kehadiranmu dalam pekat malam yang berikutnya ya.  Salam untukmu dari para tetanggaku.  Terutama si Aquarius, tak sabar ia menanti kehadiranmu dalam pekat, bersama gadis Aquarius sahabat kentalmu itu.

Sampaikan salam untuk ayah dan ibu, serta kedua adik kecilmu.  Lama sekali tak ku lihat mereka, terlalu banyak berlindung dibalik sinar lampu kota rupanya.  Jika kamu berkenan, ajaklah mereka berpetualang, agar dapat bertemu denganku, dan beberapa teman baikku.  Tuh, dengar kan, kasak kusuk si Scorpio, Sagitarius, Capricorn dan Aries.  Mereka gusar, rindu rupanya.

Baiklah, ku lepas kamu disini.  Selamat malam gadis manis..

-Manado menuju Kotamobagu, 29 Oktober 2014-

Keep in Touch

Terlalu!  Percuma rasanya saya digembleng selama 2th 8bl di sebuah perusahaan swasta yang mengharuskan saya untuk mampu berkomunikasi dengan baik, bahkan dengan orang-orang yang baru saya "temui" untuk pertama kalinya melalui telepon.  Mungkin keahlian itu pernah saya miliki.  Tapi itu dulu, ketika saya masih terlatih dan memiliki kesempatan untuk berlatih.  Namun tidak kali ini.

Seperti yang pernah saya singgung pada postingan yang lalu, saat ini saya ditempatkan dan bekerja di Dir. Peraturan Perpajakan I, dimana sebelumnya saya melaksanakan kegiatan permagangan di Dir. Transformasi Proses Bisnis.  Penempatan tersebut mulai berlaku efektif sejak tanggal 11 Agustus 2014.  Walhasil, saya pun kembali memulai menyesuaikan diri terhadap ritme kerja di tempat baru.

Ditempatkan secara definitive berarti saya sudah dipercaya sebagai salah satu pelaku dalam Dir. ini.  Yah, ini hanya kiasan yang saya karang sendiri.  Mengapa?  Sebab saya sudah diperkenankan untuk melakukan hal-hal tertentu yang umumnya dilakukan oleh pihak-pihak yang berhak atas hal-hal tersebut dan mewakili tempat saya bekerja sekarang.  Tampak rumit bukan? 

Baik, saya berikan contoh.  Menerima dan membuat panggilan telepon.  Ada apa dengan dunia pertelponan saat ini?  Apa ada yang salah dengan telepon itu sehingga cukup membuat saya sehingga mampu merangkai kata dalam postingan saat ini?  Jawabnya, tidak ada.  Sebab letak kesalahan ada pada diri saya sendiri.

Posisi meja saya yang letaknya paling strategis dengan pesawat telepon membuat saya menugaskan diri sendiri untuk menjadi petugas penerima telepon.  Harapannya, agar saya dapat mempertajam memori terhadap nama dan wajah yang selama ini menjadi kelemahan saya.  Namun sayang, beberapa kali terjadi, saya lupa menanyakan detail informasi si penelpon sehingga ketika saya akan meneruskan ke pihak yang dituju dan saya ditanya siapa dan dalam rangka apa percakapan telepon akan berlangsung, saya kelabakan dan menjawab, kurang tau.  Atau jika masih ada kesempatan, saya akan menanyakan ulang hal-hal tersebut kepada penelpon dan tentunya akan membuat saya terlihat tidak profesional.

Jikapun saya sudah saya tanyakan identitas dan detail keperluannya, terkadang saya terlewat untuk mencatatnya.  Sehingga informasi pun menjadi setengah-setengah.  Terkadang salah penyebutan nama, atau kurang tepatnya urusan yang hendak dibicarakan.

Puncaknya adalah kejadian di hari yang lalu.  Dalam minggu ini, saya dan beberapa rekan kerja akan melakukan kunjungan kerja ke Sulawesi.  Untuk itu, saya perlu mengkonfirmasi surat pemberitahuan yang telah kami kirim baik melalui jasa pos maupun via fax.  Saya hubungilah petugas tempat tujuan kami kelak, dan disambut dengan sekretaris kepala kantor.  

Awalnya, komunikasi berlangsung lancar.  Dengan lancar saya bisa menyampaikan maksud dan tujuan saya melakukan percakapan telepon tersebut.  Dan saya mendapat kabar bahwa surat melalui fax sudah diterima dengan baik.  Hingga sesaat sebelum percakapan saya tutup, terdengarlah ditelinga, kalimat demi kalimat sebagai berikut:

Saya:  "Baik mas, terimakasih untuk informasinya.  Nanti akan saya sampaikan kepada atasan saya bahwa suratnya sudah diterima melalui fax."

Sekretaris:  "Iya, sama-sama mbak."

Saya:  "Satu lagi mas.  Jika beberapa hari kedepan, ada hal-hal yang perlu kami sampaikan, kami ....... (berpikir keras, sambungan telepon menggantung di udara, hening).... hmmm... kami bisa keep in touch-nya dengan siapa ya?"

Sekretaris:  "(Membisu sejenak, sambil mungkin tersenyum-senyum mendengar kata kerja yang barusan saya lontarkan dari mulut saya)  Jika ada perlu, mba mbak atau tim dari sana bisa keep in touch dengan saya atau dengan bapak Kepala Kasi Ekstensifikasi."

Saya:  "Baik, terimakasih banyak mas.  Selamat sore."

Seketika saya tutup gagang telepon, terpekur barang sejenak, sembari mengetuk-ngetuk kepala.  "What the hell was I thinking?  Keep in touch?? Konfirmasi atuh neeeeeenggggg....."  Damn.  Ada setidaknya dua kata kerja yang bisa saya gunakan untuk menggantikan istilah keep in touch yang saya gunakan tadi.  Konfirmasi, atau Koordinasi.  Namun sayangnya, kedua kata kerja tersebut tidak mau muncul dari kepala yang mungkin isinya tidak seberapa ini.  Yang saya ingat selama percakapan tersebut berlangsung, adalah kata kerja yang dimulai dengan huruf K, dan meluncurlah keep in touch.  Hiksss..

Entah apa yang ada di benak si mas-mas sekretaris.  Dan entah bagaimana besok ketika kami berkunjung ke kantornya.  Semoga saja dia tidak begitu memperhatikan rumitnya kosa kata saya.  Semoga.

Into 3 to 5

I come from a small and modest family.  Back to my childhood, my Mom and Dad didn't have quite enough fortune to fulfill some sort of peculiar needs.  So, my two little sisters and I should be very carefully to manage our need because we didn't want to burden our parents.

We are used to share everything. We shared bedroom together until I was 10, we wore the same triplet dress made by Mom, or when we are eating for something, we order differently, have a bite and taste the food ordered by others.

Speaking about food, Mom and Dad don't want us become greedy. From day one, they have taught us the enjoyment of sharing food. One of their way was very funny.

The one slicing the food, whether into 3 or 5, is the last one to pick the slice. So, she won't get a chance to slice uneven in purpose, and pick the biggest one. If she did, she would definitely get the tiniest one. And this rule works very well.

But being a child, or a selfish human being, sometimes me or my sisters had a trouble to deal with it, particularly when it came about our favorite food. For instance.

I love omelette so much, and my family loves it thick with red onions and chilly in it. So, when I am ordered to make one, I find it difficult to slice it evenly. My mouth starts watery because the temptation from it's smell. But still, as the oldest one, I need to show some examples that it isn't that hard to let something you love is out of your reach and being taken by someone you love more than just an omelette.

Not only that. Thanks to my parent's parenting, each time we have something to eat separately, we always think about to each other. And if we can, let say we have only one bread to share, I will let my youngest sister to have it first, then my other younger sister, and then me take a bite. Or, when there are my parents, we (three of us) will let Mom and Dad have it first (which they usually don't take any of it). Even it's only for a teeny tiny bite of bread.

I can't ask for more of a family.  I love my family so much.  We may not that wealthy enough in fortune, but we are such incredible in a proper behaviour.

Note:  Pict taken from tomzick.wordpress.com

My Unique Handwriting

For the last several days, I've been keeping myself busy in learning laws and regulations related to Land and Building Tax.  Since I don't have any urgent tasks from my Head of Section, yet, I have to use these leisure time properly.  Not only for blogging, which is also important for my writing skill, but also for learning tax laws and regulation, which is a lot.

Some people may find themselves good at learning by reading.  But unlike them, I find myself good at learning in writing down. So, my learning method is by writing down, handwriting of course.  Why do I find it effective?  Here is my simple explanation.

For only one regulation, the Regulation of Director General of Tax for example, there are so many articles in it.  Because of my learning method, I couldn't write down all of those articles, precisely each words.  So, I need to read and understand each article first.  Then, I need to resume the article into a shorter form without changing or dismissing the meaning of it.  After I found the proper and more simple form of the article, I shall write it down.

While writing it down, sometimes I remember my friends saying that my handwriting is, well, not that good.  I believe it is.  I mean, I'm not saying that my handwriting is bad, HELL NO.  My handwriting is just not like another girl's, which is girly, and sometimes can tell the reader that the owner of that handwriting is a girl. While my handwriting is UNIQUE, without any meaningful changes since my high school.  But still, if people keep telling your handwriting is not that good, and making fun of it, it sucks.  A lot.  And I did feel that.  Until just like about hours ago.

I showed my handwriting to my new colleague at my office, while asked her how was her opinion about it.  Was it bad as always people said.  And she said, "Well, I don't think it's bad.  But, does it even matter what people said about your handwriting when you are comfortable with it and proud of it?  And the most important thing is, you still can read it, can't you?"

And I smiled.  Yes, I'm comfortable with my handwriting.  Yes, I do feel very proud of my handwriting, because it's anti mainstream, unlike the common girly handwriting.  And the most important thing is, I'm still able to read it, even in the ugliest form.

Screw you people kept telling my handwriting is ugly.

proudly present my handwriting

Another Tale about Mom's Love

This happened last year, about December 2013.  Back then I was pretty occupied by preparation for civil cervant open recruitment at Ministry of Finance.  I'd officially accepted and in a need of some documents for it.  One of them was a health certificate from public hospital.

Long story short, one day I went to Bekasi Public Hospital by myself.  I left home at 7 o'clock because I had to prepare documents for SKCK first.  When I finally got at the hospital, it was almost noon.  And when the document was ready, it was about pass 2 pm and I went back home.

When I was home, I found my house was locked, with a piece of paper stuck at the door.  There was my Mom's handwriting on it, saying, "Mba, Ibu nyusul mba ke RS sama om Weni (tukang ojek).  Nanti kalo mba udah sampe rumah, mba telpon ibu". 

My heart skipped a beat when I was reading that.  My eyes brust into tears.  My head started to imagine Mom sweeting and sun burning (considering the unnormal heat that day) using ojeg.  Soon, I grabbed my phone and called her.

When she arrived at home, I gave her a warm and huge hug, while asking why would she do that?  She said, she felt worry about me left home in quite long time and no news at all, since I left my handphone home.  So she went there in hope of meeting me, and made sure that everything was ok and I had no trouble preparing the health certificate.

Well, I was 24, and my Mom still considered me as a young girl.  Some people may find that irritating, but not me.  I find that very sweet and a lovely thought.  She just acts based on her instinct filled with love.

I love you mom.
XOXO

A Tale about Mom's Love.

Don't you ever dare to question, doubt, hesitate, or any other form of it, of mom's love. Ever.

Back to November 2012, me and some dearest friends of mine took a trip to Teluk Kiluan.  It was about 3-4 hours from Bandar Lampung, such a remote place to go.  The road was killing us; bumped along the road, ups and downs road, dust flew around.  And the most interesting part was, there were no any signals there.

Not having signal for my handphone made me either couldn't call my family, especially my mom, nor be reached by them.  Thus, I was like missing from my family for 2 days that I spent at T. Kiluan.

At first, during the trip, I felt no worry, since I had told my family that Teluk Kiluan was very far from the city, and they should not be worry since I've got the very best accompany that I could get for a trip.  Besides, it wasn't my first trip with them.  So I thought my family would be fine with it, and I had such a great vacation there.

But then, soon after I had signal, there were bunch of messages and voicemails from my Dad.  And when I arrived at home, my Mom hug me tightly.  I barely caught my breath, wondered what had happened with my mom. 

When my mom finally unhooked me from her arm, we sat and talked.  Dad told me that Mom cried all day and night long for 2 days.  Not be able to reach me made her wonder what had happened to me.  Was something bad happened during the trip? What if she couldn't see me for the rest of her life?  It might sound stupid, but not for me.

At that moment, I looked at my Mom in her eyes, and I could see there were tremendous loves she had for me there.  The deepest love from a mother to a daughter.  Well, that is a true love.

A true love doesn't need to be said in thousand words.  You can feel it in the air, flow with the wind like a summer breeze, warm your heart and soul.

Love you mom.

Me.Mom

Exceed

Jakarta, August 7, 2014

"You guys, has done something that I may call as exceed.  What is exceed?  It's something that beyond expectation.  To be honest,  I've never had apprentices succeed to pull something off this great. Great job, totally.  Let's give our superb apprentices a superb applause.  They deserve it."

Exceed, maybe the greatest compliment we could hear from him, the MVP of TPB, a directorate where we held our apprenticeship  for almost 7 months.  He said that on our farewell party. We called it The Day.  The very last day we were gathered as a full team, working together as a team, laughing together as a team, eating together as a team, and crying together as a team.

So, what did we do that can make the MVP said that?  Quite a lot I think.  Started from January when the first time we were assigned to be apprentices in TPB, until the day we would be assigned definitively in new places, we were able to do our best, not only for our real program designed by Kitsda but also several extra projects from TPB. 

For our real program, we had specifically designed things to do.  The first one month was the internship periode.  We were asked to watch and learn, observe and understand bisnis proces in each section we were placed.  Sit back and relax, I think that was my motto back then.

Next part, the apprenticeship program. Sometime it's called the OJT program. We were rolled to another section once in a couple week.  In this part, we were given assignment to learn about the SOP, and finished jobs from our head of section. The jobs given to us were according to the SOP and rules from Kitsda.

So, were those something called exceed?  Maybe those were a bit part of it.  But I think there were more than that.  Something more that came in the right timing to the right situation.  We call it the Projects, as follows.

The first one, we, as a team, were asked to help TPB prepared some props to be displayed on DJP Expo.  On that occasion, we created a video showing what was happening all this time in TPB.  A quite unique video made from a programe named Freezi. That video was shown all 3 days long during the Expo.

Being happy and satisfied with our performance, lead to the next project.  The second one, we were asked to conducted a brainstorm and pulled out some ideas to extend one program that had already existed but with a few weaknesses, called e-Filling.  At first, we only thought about what programs would it be as the extension of e-Filling which were more friendly user ones. Then, we made a presentation in front of several head of sections about the ideas and the business process to be like.  Not to mention about the analysis document of it.

And the final project, wich was the biggest one, we were asked to create another tool for presentation about Change Management, that shall be used by TPB when they have a schedule to do it.  Not only for internal presentation, but all over Indonesia.  Thus, we should make it in an interesting format, to explain what  Change Management was about and how would it happen.  It was a very challenging task to do, since our time was quite occupied by a Pra-jabatan training.  And to make it more interesting, just several days after we finished our training and still had to finish our Change Management presentation, we had an announcement about definite placement, making us more anxious to finish the job in such a hurry.  Thank God we were able to finalize the presentation.

So, when we were on our Farewell party, with our signature style, we reported those acitivities to TPB member, including the MVP.  We made a presentation explaining our journey in TPB.  We showed all three presentations, submit the document analysis that had been perfected, even with two extra documents related with e-Filing.  And I thought, based on his expression, he couldn't be more proud of us than he was.

Was that an exceed?  I believed it was. Our "exceed" was not about how perfect our results or products were.  Our "exceed" was about, how did we manage our time to deliver, meet and fulfill every single task given to us; how could we be able to gather our skill and divide the task according to our ability and skill; or how did we success to keep our unsatisfied and anxiety for not influencing our performance in working.

You guys, had been one of the best team I've ever been in.  You taught me how to work well in every conditions, how to pull out our very best talent in every conditions, and how to bring the best behave in every conditions.  Keep doing that guys, and we shall conquer our world, and become everything that we wanna be.

meet the Dream Team

Sebuah Harapan

"Selamat pagi harapan, semoga kau tak pernah mati."

Itulah sebuah sapaan yang senantiasa disenandungkan oleh sahabatku, Nolkomadua, di grup WhatsApp.  Syarat dan ketentuan berlaku tentunya.  Jikalau Nolkomadua tidak lupa, tidak khilaf, tidak sedang malas, tidak sedang habis batre, tidak sedang sibuk dengan aktivitasnya di pagi hari, tidak sedang jengkel dengan kami, tidak sedang melarikan diri dari kami, dan syarat serta ketentuan lainnya.

Jika syarat dan ketentuan tersebut tidak berlaku, maka sahabatku lainnya, Sinaga yang akan berperan dan mengambil alih tugas maha berat si Nolkomadua.  Menyenandungkan sapaan yang tak hanya hangat di telinga (yang sebetulnya lebih tepat ditangkap oleh mata), namun juga terasa hangat di hati.  Namun, setali tiga uang dengan Nolkomadua, kondisi ini pun memiliki syarat dan ketentuan tersendiri.  Jika Sinaga sedang bersemangat, bergairah, tidak disibukkan dengan morning meeting maupun persiapannya, tidak sedang dilanda kegalauan akut akan kisah cintanya yang tak berkesudahan (seperti saya), maupun syarat dan ketentuan lainnya.

Sapaan tersebut merupakan pengawal hari kami, bentuk kasih sayang dan perhatian dari satu sama lain.  Pengingat akan pentingnya sebuah optimisme yang harus dipupuk dipagi hari, untuk kemudian dijalankan dan dipertahankan hingga penghujung hari. 

Harapan merupakan sebuah gerbang menuju mimpi dan cita.  Sesuatu yang tak akan datang menghampirimu dengan sukarela, melainkan sesuatu yang akan harus dikejar dengan seluruh kemampuan yang ada. 

Harapanlah yang dapat memacu semangat kita untuk bertindak jauh melebihi kemampuan dan ekpektasi diri, mengerahkan segenap potensi yang bahkan terkadang tidak kita sadari kita miliki.

Harapanlah yang senantiasa merekatkan tali persahabatan kami bertiga.  Harapan untuk dapat kembali mencipta memori, sembari bercanda riang dan berbagi kisah, saling mencela, saling memaki, saling memuji, saling mengingatkan, saling menghawatirkan, saling menertawakan, serta segala tingkah dan pola sebuah persahabatan lainnya.

Selamat pagi harapan, semoga kau tak pernah mati.

drawn by Sinaga

If Only

Someone said to me once, "If only we have the same faith, I'll ask you to let me know you more". And for one second, I was speechless. Not because the implicit propose, but because I barely speak English. *Kidding. That phrase was phrase that I haven't heard for more than a thousand days.  Last time I heard that, when I was in Jogja, which was lasting for about hundred days.

Having him said that, made me wonder. "If only" was a simple phrase with a huge impact.  In my case, if we weren't strong enough in our faith, our believed in God, we could say that, "Hei, let's do this.  Let's see where time will bring us to."  After that, one thing shall lead to the others.  After being together for a while, the feeling grew faster than we could imagine.  And the last thing that we want to do would occur; betrayed our faith, just to pursue our own faith in happiness.  Thank God we had a same perspective for not doing that.  And we were able to manage that phrase as just as a phrase.

I had another case involving "If only."  Once someone said, "If only we met just a few months earlier..." I was in cloud nine when he said that, knowing that he was just like my own reflection in different gender of sex; my favorite type of human being, which was me.  Hell, how narcissistic I am!  But then, my common sense screamed out loud, "But you're not! Just get rid of those thought and be friends with him."  Which I did, and it was one the best decisions I've ever made.

I'm not saying that "If only" is a bad phrase. It's like a coin, has two sides.

On one side, it represents the possibility occurred in the future.  “If only I can finish my work before 5pm, I’ll be reaching home before twilight.”  We might feel encouraged, and execute every single job we have as soon as possible.

But on the other side, and I think mostly happen in our daily life, it represents the possibility that should not be occurred in the present, forming feeling of regrets. As my example number two.   “If only we met just a few months earlier, we should have been together by now.” But since it didn’t happen, we aren’t together by now.  Is it sad?  Maybe, for those who might think that God is not good enough for them.  Because just remember, that God has planned every single tiny and detail destiny of our life, including the “the possibility that should not be occurred in the present – If only” thing.

But still, "the possibility that should not be occurred in the present - If only" might be forming in happiness too.  "If only we met just a few months earlier, I should have left you by now because it turns out doesn't work well."  See?  It's just the matter of perspective.  And there is one “If only” that means, yep,, it just won’t happen.  No matter how hard you try, how bad you feel, it just won’t happen.  Shall never happen.

So, keep in touch with “If only” in positive side, whether it’s the possibility occurred in the future, or the possibility that should not be occurred in the present in a bad way forming the happiness. You even should really thankful for that not happen.


What the hell am I talking about.  Such a rubbish post.