Depok - Bekasi

Well, i wanna make a confession.

Someone who used to call me Icha, and haven't done that for the past almost a year, did that again tonight.  We talked via messenger, and all the sudden, he asked my permission to call me Icha once again.  And I said, "Please, go ahead."  

There was a story as a reason why he asked my permission to call me Icha.  He was kinda liked me back then, about last year.  But sadly, I was too afraid of his aggressiveness on approaching me.  So, instead of getting closer, I decided to cut it off and run away. 

We started as friends.  He called me as my real name.  After several texting messages and hang out together, he called me Icha, my nickname for my beloved one such as family.  Long story short, our relationship grew more than just friends.  He started to act more as a friend in which making me, as I said before, cut it off and run away.

Basically, the entire thing I did back then to him, was because I felt like he did too much on everything.  In fact, he gave me afraid, by giving so much attention and passion to me.  By texting me more than 3 times a day, coming to my house at 11 pm just to give me chocolate and wish me get well soon (I was on my healing process after got hospitalized for typhus), or as simple as twitted something in which describe me when I was on my way to go to the office by train.  He even drew a picture of me.  I felt like he was stalking on me.  And it was creepy.

Maybe, he did that because he wanted to show me how much he cared about me.  I enjoyed it at first.  He was a good guy with good looking face and personality.  But then, I felt uncomfortable.  Maybe I spent too much time on being single, so I was used to be alone.  Or maybe, I was just a simple girl who didn't need that much attention from a boy approaching me.  And I choose second alternative.

At one moment, when I felt like it was enough, I told and explained to him.  That I wasn't the type of girl who might fall in love solely because of attention, even too much attention.  I liked a boy knowing when to move forward with full attention or move backward acting as he didn't care.  And I asked him to reduce his texting to me.  And then, I asked him not to call me Icha.

It was hard, but as time goes by, we can be normal and be friends again.

So, what’s the point?

Actually, I want to apologize to him.  For not giving him a chance to get to know me better, for shutting the “door” even before he got in the “fence” and “knock my door”.  I closed it soon after I felt uncomfortable with him.

After he called me Icha tonight, I traced back our relationship by our historical of communication. With my crystal clear mind and thought, I realized, it wasn't 100% as I thought before.  Yes, he was and he is a very friendly person, love to talk to anyone.  Yes, he came to my home at 11 pm, but not solely just to give me chocolate, but because he was with his cousin, on their traveling time and coincidentally passed by my house.  Yes, he twitted about me, but who don't?  Even I do that, twit about someone or something I like.  Yes, he drew some sketches of me, but it’s not creepy.  It showed his passion positively.

With that bombshell, I plead guilty.  I judged him wrong.  I am sorry.

Now, he has a girlfriend.  I’m happy for him, wishing them the very best of luck and love.  They seem happy.  And I wish I could feel the same feeling soon, with someone who has been waiting for me out there.

Credit for:  LHPA

-Bekasi, 6 September 2013-